Eyes Forward Open Heart

“You haven’t taught until they’ve learned.” – John Wooden

Recently, I had the experience of feeling emotionally triggered when a student made a poor decision. This is a completely normal experience. We can get triggered all the time by family members, colleagues, students…

The big question is, what next?

Answer: get curious.

First of all, I get curious about how this emotion feels in my body. Is it a sensation in my belly? In my legs? Tightness in my chest? Feeling and identifying that physical sensation helps ground me in the present moment.

In this stage of the process, I will frequently call on breath techniques that can assist with calming the nervous system. There are many to choose from, but a simple square breath is a good start (inhale for 4 counts, hold the breath for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, hold the breath for 4 counts).

Next, I get curious about my own ego. I know that I don’t have clarity about a situation when I can feel my own ego pushing to prove that I’m “right.” I so desperately want my students to make good decisions and to learn the lessons that I’m trying to teach. My mind starts to spin about my own worthiness as a teacher. If this student is making such a poor decision, what does it say about me? How come this student hasn’t learned? Can’t they see that I’m “right?”

All of this is the ego talking, and the more that I feed the ego with spinning thoughts, the further I get away from center. From truth.

The ego loses its power the moment you see it for what it is: an illusion.

When I find my way back to myself, I can finally get curious about this student. What’s going on in their life that they have made this decision? How can I find compassion for their situation so that I may help them learn? How can I support this student in their growth?

For myself as a teacher, it’s a warning sign when I’m in an emotionally charged state. I can feel that I’m not thinking clearly, and I might say something that I would later regret and might damage a relationship.

I also know that these strong feelings come from a deep place of wanting students to learn. Teachers are passionate about their care for students and the desire to see them succeed. May we all have the awareness and self-compassion to get curious when things get challenging.

I have to remind myself that there are no “quick fixes” in life.

There are “daily habits” and “putting in the work.” It’s simple really.

The human brain so badly wants to believe in something that might be a shortcut to achieving a goal. Acknowledging that goals require daily effort helps to dispel the illusion that there is a magical “quick fix” waiting for you in the future.

For example, good health requires daily exercise, daily nutrition, and daily choices that add up to the sum of overall physical and mental health. A creative project is not accomplished in one weekend, but requires the discipline of building skills over time. A clean house needs daily maintenance, not just a weekend of intense work.

When I remember that I need to commit to a little effort each day towards my goals, I start to feel how consistency builds momentum.

As I get older, I have started to build more and more tiny habits into my daily routine. I find that it saves energy to reduce daily decision making, and I’m able to see real results in my life!

The book Atomic Habits by James Clear talks about this idea at length, and I highly recommend reading it.

It might seem counterintuitive in some ways. Does life become rigid becuase I have tasks planned out for myself on a daily basis?

For me, it doesn’t feel like rigidity. It feels like freedom.

Let me give you an example. For years I really wished for a daily yoga practice. I spent most of my time wondering when I could fit it in my schedule. How would I possibly have time with a full-time job and three kids? I thought about it all the time, but I practiced yoga rarely.

It took a few tries to make this stick as a daily habit, but eventually I realized I only needed to do a little bit of yoga in the morning to make it work in my life. I set my alarm a little earlier and added 20 minutes of yoga and 10 minutes of mindfulness. After some consistency, I realized that this tiny habit was actually blossoming into long-term results: greater clarity, focus, and peace.

I have added more tiny habits to my daily list in recent years, and they all feel like gifts to me. It takes just a moment of my day, but I have the freedom of knowing that I’m living my values.

Energy follows attention.

I’ve recently embarked on a project to complete daily home cleaning tasks on a more consistent basis. This has been an ongoing challenge and source of distress for me personally, and I often get stuck because I feel overwhelmed and ashamed.

A friend helped me create daily cleaning task lists that might work for me and my family. Today marks a week of tackling these small tasks every day. And guess what? I realized that energy follows attention. WIth my daily task in front of me, I was focused on just one thing instead of getting distracted by thinking of all the things that need to get done.

One task. One goal. Energy follows attention.

After one week, I can actually see and feel the difference in the whole house. More importantly, I feel empowered by remembering that I can create I life (and a home) that I want by giving my attention to one small goal at a time.

There is a poem waiting to be written
It says,
You are enough.

In the quiet moments
when you can’t feel your students,
see their eyes, sense their energy.
Doubt comes in.

(Should I even write?
Or rather find the words of other, greater poets
to tell us that we can only do so much?)

It’s so easy to compare and despair.

The end of the day comes
and perhaps I’ve worked all day,
or sometimes cried in the bathtub.

But still, I’d like to say
that we are enough.
Our best is all we have to offer,
and sometimes our best looks like tears.

So now I stand up
and search for the next, right thing.
Making the bed and checking the email.

Missing my students and the music we make.
Reminding myself that for now,
I am enough.

I started 2020 with the mantra, “Eyes forward, open heart.” Because here’s the thing. I have a really hard time with January, February, and March.

Hear me out.

We’ve got January, February, March – It’s cold (in Michigan), dark, heavy on the workload, and a long stretch of time before there’s a break in sight.

April, May, June – These months have it all! Spring comes out in full force and then (boom!) it’s summer! You get both spring break AND the start of summer break. Oh man, this is a good time.

July, August, September – Long summer days, beach time, trips, memories, plus a fresh start back at school in the fall. Good, good.

October, November, December – Cozy fall days with orchard trips and bonfires, fantastic holiday selection (Thanksgiving and Christmas, so lovely!).

So…I think you’re starting to see where I’m coming from here. I started to gear up for a positive attitude this January, and I posted my mantra, “Eyes forward, open heart.” I’m going to find the beauty in these months, even if it’s cold, dark, and dreary. No problem. I got this.

I totally didn’t see the global pandemic coming, but I have to say it really seems to confirm my theory here. Just when I thought I was close to finishing up March and greeting April with a big “Hello April!” the world has come to a standstill.

So, I remind myself everyday. Eyes forward. Open heart. We’ll get through this.