“You haven’t taught until they’ve learned.” – John Wooden
Recently, I had the experience of feeling emotionally triggered when a student made a poor decision. This is a completely normal experience. We can get triggered all the time by family members, colleagues, students…
The big question is, what next?
Answer: get curious.
First of all, I get curious about how this emotion feels in my body. Is it a sensation in my belly? In my legs? Tightness in my chest? Feeling and identifying that physical sensation helps ground me in the present moment.
In this stage of the process, I will frequently call on breath techniques that can assist with calming the nervous system. There are many to choose from, but a simple square breath is a good start (inhale for 4 counts, hold the breath for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts, hold the breath for 4 counts).
Next, I get curious about my own ego. I know that I don’t have clarity about a situation when I can feel my own ego pushing to prove that I’m “right.” I so desperately want my students to make good decisions and to learn the lessons that I’m trying to teach. My mind starts to spin about my own worthiness as a teacher. If this student is making such a poor decision, what does it say about me? How come this student hasn’t learned? Can’t they see that I’m “right?”
All of this is the ego talking, and the more that I feed the ego with spinning thoughts, the further I get away from center. From truth.
The ego loses its power the moment you see it for what it is: an illusion.
When I find my way back to myself, I can finally get curious about this student. What’s going on in their life that they have made this decision? How can I find compassion for their situation so that I may help them learn? How can I support this student in their growth?
For myself as a teacher, it’s a warning sign when I’m in an emotionally charged state. I can feel that I’m not thinking clearly, and I might say something that I would later regret and might damage a relationship.
I also know that these strong feelings come from a deep place of wanting students to learn. Teachers are passionate about their care for students and the desire to see them succeed. May we all have the awareness and self-compassion to get curious when things get challenging.